Keeping your ego in check

In this episode I speak with Camilla Sacre-Dallerup, a former Strictly Come Dancing champion who completed reinvented herself to a new career and lifestyle, moving from the UK to LA with her husband Kevin in the process to completely reinvent themselves. This is a fascinating conversation about keeping your ego in check in your career and life and having that discipline  to really be who you truly are, not what is expected of you. We talk about the sacrifices needed during her career transition, accepting that you don’t need anything and the huge implications this had on taking risks to pursue what she really wanted in life.

Resources:

Books:

  • I read Camilla’s book Reinvent Me, all about not just career change but identity reinvention. So practical and useful exercises inside – thoroughly recommend this.
  • Camilla has two other books, It’s Not You, It’s Me – about self love to transform relationships and Dream Believe Succeed, filled with actions to actually achieve what you dream about.
  • Her books are available on Amazon or Camilla’s website

 

Transcription for this interview:

Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:00:29] On this week’s episode, I have Camila Sacre-Dallerup, a former strictly come dancing champion who completely reinvented herself to a new career and lifestyle. Moving from the UK to LA with her husband, Kevin. In the process to completely reinvent themselves. This is a fascinating conversation about recognizing your ego in your career in life and having the discipline to let it go over time, to be really who you truly are, not what is expected of you.

[00:01:31] We talk about the sacrifices needed during her career transition. Accepting that you don’t need anything. And the huge implications this has on taking risks to pursue what you really want. The full show notes and videos of other interviews are available@burnfromwithin.com forward slash interviews. So listen all the way through and enjoy

[00:01:52] Camilla  is an international best-selling author of three books:

[00:01:57] “It’s not you, It’s me”.

“Reinvent me: how to transform your life and career” and

“Dream. Believe. Succeed”.

Camilla was a champion professional dancer before becoming one of the original cast members of strictly come dancing,  camilla won her six series, the 2008 series of strictly come dancing with celebrity partner, Tom chambers, but then made a controversial decision to quit.

[00:02:27] And this is where her re-invention really began. Kamila. Welcome to the show is really great to have you here. Thank

[00:02:34] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:02:34] you. Ma’am thank you so much. It seems like a lifetime ago, when you say those things about dancing, I’m like, Oh yeah, I used to do that.

[00:02:42] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:02:42] Yeah. I’m a big strictly fan myself as a lot of listeners will be, of course.

[00:02:48] And I guess one of the kind of questions that comes up, cause you chose to leave that that career, that lifestyle before we get into the, the reasons for that. What were some of the perks, would you say? Being a celebrity and being in that world of strictly come dancing and.

[00:03:04]After discussing. And why did you choose to walk away from them?

[00:03:09] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:03:09] The perks or whatever you want to call it? I think what was so wonderfully fed in a situation like that or in any position where you you’re doing a job where you feel like the job is your identity, you ego is fed, right?

[00:03:23] So the ego was loving the lifestyle, right? The ego was loving the limelight, but. Who I really am at the core, of my soul was just so empty. It was just like wanting to have a chat or a dance no pun intended or maybe with my ego, because honestly I think my soul was so tired of my ego being in charge and it was a weird one actually, because.

[00:03:49] First of all, I had spent almost my entire life becoming an expert at something working really hard. I didn’t have a normal childhood. I had a childhood where I had chosen to be an athlete, which meant getting up and training even on the day. She didn’t feel like it. By choice, I had chosen that path because.

[00:04:09] I was so eager to travel the world and dancing became the tool to do I was so eager to connect with people and dancing became to Duke the tool to do but that took me on such a massive path that I could’ve never, ever imagined, through competing and traveling the world. We lectured and competed in 36 countries.

[00:04:26] I saw the world with my dancing and then ended up in this dream job on, on strictly come dancing. My ego was loving it. Part of me was also really enjoying it. It was very creative, right. But I, there, I was connecting with people and then thinking, but now I have everything I thought I ever wanted, but I’m not connecting in the way that I want to.

[00:04:47] I don’t even have time to actually have a conversation with the people that I’m meeting. What’s happening. And so I have learned so much, through my entire time as an athlete that I use all of the tools today, because really there’s no difference from being an athlete in sports or in business, really.

[00:05:04]I call them business athletes these days with all the things that are expected. But yeah, I found myself in a very lost. Place within actually before I decided to walk away. And anybody who’s been in a similar situation where they’ve just woken up one day and been in a relationship or in a work situation where they thought, I don’t really want to do this anymore.

[00:05:22]Know what I mean? And I thought I have to go figure out who I am. And actually Deepak Chopra uses these words with his children and did throughout their entire life by asking who am I every single morning? I got to the point when I asked myself, who am I, where I was like, I don’t know who I am, who am, I don’t know.

[00:05:40] I re I, I knew one thing. And that was that I really wanted to get to a point where I could say whoever and I could say I’m content . And on a mission to find out what that looked like to wake up in the morning and think. I’m okay. I’m content. I’m not because of the amount of trophies that I’ve won, or my name is in the paper on the TV, but just because I’m true to me, I’m my authentic self.

[00:06:05] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:06:05] Wow. What a journey you’ve had as well. And you talk about the ego and how difficult it was to. To separate yourself from it. And actually discover who you truly are.

[00:06:18]Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:06:18] Can I just add to that actually, because when you say it like that, I think this is important for people to hear.

[00:06:23] Do you know this often people around, you don’t know what to do with that when you leave something that you’ve been so that’s your identity. They know us. Matt, the lawyer, Camilla, the dancer, Sam, the accountant, like that, good with that. Let’s not rock the boat. So when you then say to your friends I really think I’m just gonna I need to leave this.

[00:06:43] It’s not for me that like, that’s crazy. Like what are you doing? What how do we like refer to that confused? So you have that too, and then you really got to go. Yeah. But I need to do this for me.

[00:06:53]Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:06:53] So how do you know who you truly are? Like, cause, cause when you were at, on strictly and you’re having a great lifestyle.

[00:07:02]Great in, in a lot of people’s a lot of people’s minds anyway You were, you felt unhappy and unfulfilled, and that was at some point at some level. And that was a reason to start this journey and look and find out how to have to be content with yourself essentially.

[00:07:19] That journey of discovery? Like now you’re a life coach, a mindfulness coach, like you met you, you lead meditations all over the world. How did you discover who you truly are and what led you to that path? Cause it’s very different to maybe w what you were doing on strictly.

[00:07:37]Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:07:37] So many words are flowing through my mind. We have this beautiful saying in Denmark, always remember to bring yourself along. And I think if in a sense of, I don’t know if you get the meaning of that, because it doesn’t sound the same when I say it in English, but it’s I felt like part of me had not been brought along.

[00:07:54] Does that make sense? I w I felt become this person where that’s, what was expected and that’s what you do. And there was a part of, duty, you do your job and I was really good at turning up and doing my job, but my Camilla, like the person within had been, so my life had been so regimented and I felt I hadn’t grown.

[00:08:12]As a person on a soul level for what I needed, what is that I actually found interesting now, at 35 compared to 25, because of course that might not be the same. So in order to do I needed to let go of all of those things for a little bit and go on an inward inside out journey rather than outside in.

[00:08:30] So much of my life had been based on the outside, in, when you get that, you’ll be happy. And that’s why I love in NLP. We talk a lot about that when I get that, I’ll be happy when I get that. I’ll be happy if that’s the, if that’s the They a way you work, you probably never be happy, right?

[00:08:44] Because we need to be happy here right in this moment. And then we can attract the things in that we want. And actually there was a sports psychology. I can’t remember the book back in the day when I was a competitor and reading that sentence actually was a very important time in my life, in my late twenties.

[00:08:58] That kind of up-leveled my. My kind of joy in life and my career from knowing that I have to be happy now, but I still didn’t think that I had, I didn’t have enough time to get to know myself because I was on this career path. I hit it for a burnout of 35, just to give you an idea of how career-driven I was, so it wasn’t until the universe sent this wonderful burnout just after I left the show.

[00:09:19] So I could really sit in the uncomfortableness of wow. Everything I’ve ever cared about. Everything that I love. I’m empty and I don’t really care so much right now. I need to figure out what do I care about now? And that’s why I talk about in, in Reinvent Me, me starting by nurturing the things that you actually, that, that kind of lights a fire within.

[00:09:42]What do am I passionate about still? I knew that one thing I’m passionate about is helping others is serving somehow in this world is connecting to people just like yourself. I’m fascinated. I’m fascinated by people’s stories. Everybody has a story that will encourage or inspire someone else.

[00:09:58]So yeah, that was a big journey to go and find out in this kind of, really lost year of my life. I was just searching for little things that, Oh, this I’m still passionate about this. I find fun, but it took time. I’m not going to like brush over this Oh, I left my career and then I found another because trust me, that’s not how it felt.

[00:10:17]Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:10:17] Yeah. Was it a case of following your curiosity? Cause you talked about what, what was missing in my life? Like how did you I guess type those steps to find out what was missing and was part of it. Curiosity. Was there something else, was there a structured process?

[00:10:33] Was it like, how did you go about that?

[00:10:36]Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:10:36] I’ve always had a love for  Any kind of books that talks about motivation and mind and  so forth. So I dive into that area and started looking for courses that I could take that was feeding my soul. It was all about me receiving, I think also I was just depleted and tired from being the one giving.

[00:10:51] And I was just, I wanted to go back to school. Basically I wanted to receive. And I had started a few years earlier when I was doing Strictly. Yes. That I’d actually signed up for, to study  psychology at London university. But because the series took over and I got into the momentum was Strictly, I just put that aside.

[00:11:08] So I was still curious to study things that could feed my mind and just be, I was very curious. I still am still always learning. So I wanted to explore some of the tools that I had used to win. In my career, I wanted to explore them to how I could use them to feel good inside out. And so that started with taking an NLP course and then the hypnotherapy, and then there was mindfulness and I started doing some motivational speaking, just sharing my story and hearing what people needed.

[00:11:36] And and yeah, it was a journey, but I will say there was a lot of fear too. I’d left behind a lucrative living. So I had to make changes in my life too, because it wasn’t just like I had saved enough money to not earn money. So I would still have one foot in the dance world.

[00:11:52] I would still be doing some gigs there whilst that would pay for my training. So I just want people to know it’s not like I just went on this journey and could afford to pay for not to work or anything like that. Because I think when people look at you and magazines and stuff to say, Oh, that was easy for her.

[00:12:06]I think everybody goes on a journey, right? And the step-by-step approach one step at a time. I just simply start a bit what’s the first course that I feel I’m interested in taking. And that was NLP  actually, which I just thought was so practical and such a great foundation for everything I did after that.

[00:12:23]Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:12:23] There were sacrifices, you made quite a lot of sacrifices. And you talked about it in your book, you and your husband, Kevin, you both made sacrifices, you move to LA, that was a big upheaval as well.

[00:12:34] Like it’s not just a career change, a life change. Like your whole network was like, you had to meet lots of new people, all of that kind of stuff. Yeah. And again, I’m going back to my own curiosity now and about ego, like it was suck, talking about ego, to leave that lifestyle and to have that title of, Strictly champion and you’re, in the press a lot.

[00:13:02] You and suddenly you’re in a situation where you’re basically almost completely starting again. You talk about the term re reinvent me, reinvent yourself. What’s the significance of of that term reinvents. And why do you use that term in particular instead of.

[00:13:21] Life change, career change and that kind of stuff, because for me that’s almost like a level of I’m changing my entire identity. Yeah.

[00:13:29] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:13:29] I felt like it in the sense that I wasn’t going to be Camilla to dancer, I was going to be Kamila so re-invent or coming home either, but I was reinventing how people were perceiving me and believe it enough.

[00:13:45] That’s quite a big deal too, because. For so many years after I left strictly come dancing, no matter what I had done, even after writing my first book and moving to LA people would still say, yeah, but are you going back to dancing? It was like that. Just like with one word, just like just wipe away five years of work.

[00:14:06] You know what I mean? Like they didn’t, it just didn’t suit. Sometimes there’s the story that I was doing something differently because they liked me that, in the D and I’m grateful for that. I, it was the most magical time of my life. And at the same time, it was just not what my soul was craving anymore, because I was meant to do something else.

[00:14:25] I feel like what I do today, I can only describe as I’ve come home. And so when I came to LA, I did an exercise, which was really on LA. I realized later the most on Hollywood thing to do when I went down and connected with the owner of unplug meditation, where I’ve now been working for over six years.

[00:14:44]I went down to write an article about the studio and I just never left. I told you on, I can’t leave I’m home. I need to work here. This is the best. And for the entire year, I had promised myself, I wouldn’t talk about my past. I would be right in the moment. And it was, it made me so happy a year later when somebody said, Oh my goodness, is that your book?

[00:15:06] Camilla? I didn’t even know you used to do, they call it dancing with the stars. I didn’t know. You were part of a strictly come dancing. And then some of the people they’d gotten to know me. They were like yeah, she is, they were like, loved sharing it, but I was so proud of myself for. Just being Camilla, that they would meet at the studio that they love to meditate with or share whatever, felt safe to share the story with, or work with me on stress or confidence.

[00:15:29]I just didn’t, I didn’t need the old identity after that. I would say the reinventing of it actually for me means that I went through the kind of letting go of that and then bringing it all back to full circle. Does that make sense? Because then I realized that no Camilla be proud of your past there’s things that you have learned that you can now share because of what you’ve done and you worked really hard for it.

[00:15:54]But I did go through a lot. It was like I had to almost lose it to have it. Yeah. Again, and then I’ve built it all back in together now and now I really own it. But for a time being, I needed to really get back in, I think I needed to get into my feminine energy because I’ve been such an athlete.

[00:16:09] I was since. I was in such a masculine energy for so many years of my life. It was like survival mode. Almost like my schedule was crazy. We will travel to Japan. We’ll get in a car. Don said competition would get on the plane. We’ll get to China. We’ll dance. It was not really normal when I look back, I think, how did I do that?

[00:16:25] I’m a highly sensitive person. No. One of my immune system was always down at the time. So I was had on my body. I was had on myself and I needed to nurture me. As a person. So that’s what reinventing means. It meant thinking about me in a new and fresh way. That’s how I saw reinvention. How can I think about myself in a new and fresh way?

[00:16:46] That’s actually aligned with my soul.

[00:16:49] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:16:49] That is so fascinating that you, first of all, chose to not bring up your past and into your new life, into this reinvention. First of all, choosing to do that. But second of all, having the discipline to out for a year, that’s pretty impressive.

[00:17:07]And that, again, that comes back to, for me most people would want to feed their ego. And that actually is what keeps them in a career that they might not enjoy or might not fulfill them anymore. But how did you have the discipline and the like where did that come from? Cause for me, and I think a lot of people to be able to walk away from your previous job, for example, someone might have been working.

[00:17:34] In banking, for example, for 30 years, but they didn’t feel they don’t feel fulfilled anymore. And and to walk away from that, not just from the lifestyle and, people giving you compliments and all that kind of stuff, the financial side as well. And there’s many different angles of it.

[00:17:51] How did you have that discipline to see that out and actually just be present on your new venture?

[00:17:59] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:17:59] I think a few things. The ego one was a really big journey and I always, I talk about in the book that I went back to strictly come dancing to work behind the scenes for a season to test my own ego, because I thought you, if you really truly are in balance with your ego and you don’t let it completely run your life, you should be able to be on either side and know that either side in front or behind the camera as a creative at the time is just as valuable.

[00:18:25]It’s just sometime we hype things up when people are on screen, but the talent, this, the show was strictly come dancing. It’s only the show. It is because of everybody’s talent from makeup to sound like. It literally is the top of the top of people that work on that show. Every single person is.

[00:18:43] Extraordinary. And I went back and did that that was just before we moved to LA and I actually loved it. Like I had so much fun and I got to work with a creative person on there. Why admire have it? My, my entire life from the dance world called Jason Gilkison and it was magical in different ways.

[00:19:01] And I didn’t mind. And I thought it’s okay. I’m, I’ve made peace with this now. I don’t need this limelight to feed my soul. That doesn’t mean that we don’t want to achieve things by the way, there was time through this. And I really want to talk about this because I think sometimes when we go on a spiritual journey, call it, a breakdown, call it stress, call it burnout, whatever it is that we have that kind of break in life.

[00:19:23]We can lose our drive. And sometimes that’s actually really scary for someone who’s hugely driven. And I lost my drive for about a year. I had zero drive and I literally didn’t recognize myself. But I realized now that I needed to, because my soul needed something different, I needed to strip away all of that stuff.

[00:19:40] That just wasn’t really who I am that needed. Lots of things somebody said to me recently, what is it like. Most profound thing, that’s come out of this entire journey because we’re constantly on a journey route in life. But for me in this moment and what meditation has brought me to, and all of the things that I’ve studied is that I don’t need anything.

[00:20:01] And if you asked me that 15 years ago, that would have never told you that, right? Because we think we need so many things, but I don’t need anything. I am, I’m grateful to be of service in this world. And I. And when you say, when I’m trying to think back to that time, it became about the client.

[00:20:18] And not me, it became about when I would listen to people and what they needed when I connected to them at unplug meditation. For example, I realized that it really wasn’t helpful to them. What I’d done before this very moment, what was vital was what we were going to do now, does that make sense? So we’ve almost easy because I had to be present.

[00:20:40]I was just like, that’s not helpful for me to tell them we’re living now. Yes. Later on, I think people and a lot of my clients appreciate it actually. Cause they tell me that they feel that they work with a coach who walks the walk. Who’s not scared of putting themselves out there and sometimes failing sometimes winning, but when I’m with the client present, it’s not about me ever.

[00:20:59] Ever. And in fact, the person who opened up my sort of launch for, it’s not you as me she’s a very successful actress. And she said these words, she says the beautiful, and they really I’m so grateful for these words. And she said in her, talk to the audience that day. The beautiful thing about Camilla is that her work is never about how I, when you coach by Camilla.

[00:21:17]And I couldn’t, honestly, that for me was the most amazed. I was like winning a trophy. That was like the best trophy of those words, because it isn’t about me. It’s about holding space. Like you’re holding space right now. That’s really what it became about. Obviously I had to find a way to balance feminine and masculine energy because in the world, we sometimes, when we do business too, we, we’ve got to be able to step into one or the other, but when I’m working with clients is absolutely Siraj about me and all about them.

[00:21:48] And so in that point, you are just holding space.

[00:21:53] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:21:53] Yeah. One thing that kind of comes to mind when you say that, first of all, there’s this element of being content with potentially with less than what you had before, less money, less admiration, less fame and all of those kinds of things.

[00:22:12] In order to have that reinvention and be able to be your true self be you. And and then the second part of it is to actually fully serve others. So it’s like dumping, dumping the ego, getting rid of the ego and serve it, like contributing to, to, to others in society. How did you How did you do that?

[00:22:35] Being content with having less is that something that you had, like you’d had experience with before? One of the kinds of analogies I have mean a common analogy that I speak to with clients.

[00:22:50] And just in general, is some people were happier as a student with huge amounts of debt living in a dormitory then than they might be in the kind of current career earning, a few hundred thousand dollars a year. Where did that belief come from?

[00:23:07] That you could be more content with having less, cause that’s not like a common thing.

[00:23:12] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:23:12] And that’s not to say that you won’t go through ups and downs and have same or more again, by the way. But I call it coming back to square one. So basically I will, I grew up with two parents who were both self-employed.

[00:23:25]Who had their own businesses. And of course, like anybody who owns a business, you’re gonna, there’s going to be ups and downs. So I saw it firsthand how my parents would navigate through those times and how brilliant they would be at still being able to support my sister and I, and still, no matter what was going on in their lives, in work.

[00:23:45] There was love and joy and a unity as a family. Like we just had each other’s back. There was teamwork always. And I actually said that I’ve said that to my mom that a lot of times, one of the most amazing things they gave my sister and I was just to know that no matter where we went in the world, no matter what we did, we knew that no matter how much they hadn’t didn’t have right at any time, there was a roof over our heads and food on the table.

[00:24:11] And that, that I feel emotional even saying that, but that is like the biggest gift you can give somebody, because I said to my dad, I said, before he passed away, I said, you gave me like freedom to fly because I knew if I really messed up, I will never go hungry. I could come home and I realize that some people that don’t have that, but I also know that there are good people in the world and people find that in friends and they create their own families in the world.

[00:24:33]Sometimes you can be that for someone else, just to note that it’s a bed and this food. And I think I remember my husband and I working so incredibly hard to buy our first home. Together and sitting in our living room being like, wait, we’ve got our first house of the God. That is amazing. And then inside, I just felt Oh my God, but it’s in the wrong country.

[00:24:59] Send the wrong place. This is not the place we’re going to be. And I was like how can this be now? Like we worked so hard and here we are. And now. W this is not it. And we actually agreed. If we’d unpacked, we were touring at the time doing it. They had to play together. If we don’t pack back, then I don’t think we would have ever moved.

[00:25:17] So we did a really crazy thing. We decided not to unpack. And we moved in with my husband’s parents in the spare room for a few months or maybe six months to save, to apply for our visas for For the U S and we actually rented our house out. And I remember friends about saying, Oh my goodness.

[00:25:38]We could never do that. And what they meant by that sentence was they could, but they didn’t want the discomfort of having to move back to their parents 35 or 36 for six months, they wanted to live in that home. And have the God and while still saving for their dream. And when you come back to, I want to touch on that.

[00:25:54] When you say that people say that they were happy when they were having like that, that they were studying and having the student dream or whatever, and having the dream of their career. I think that maybe something we’re happy in those situations, because what we do have at the time is that we still have the dream.

[00:26:09] I remember, and I talk about this in dream beliefs, succeed. Dream believe succeed is my first book reinvent it. If I may, use the word again, strictly come down strictly inspirational was what it was called and I’ve added to it. And it’s now called dream beliefs succeed. But I talk in there about a time in my life where we really didn’t have much money.

[00:26:25] It was do we eat dinner? When we were competing, Oh, do we have, do we go to practice? Because there was like six pounds or whatever to go to practice. And we just didn’t have the money. Like we couldn’t afford supporting our careers at the time. And we had many meals which were like just baked beans on toast was I never ate.

[00:26:41] Until I moved to the UK. I didn’t even know about baked beans on toast, but I quite like it now, that, that was like our meal. We sacrificed so much. We lived I remember we just, we didn’t have any furniture in our apartment. My, my dance partner at the time, bill a furniture, but you know what?

[00:26:55] We still laugh because we were sharing something very important, which was a dream. And we were reading all of the motivational books and we had somehow hope and faith still and what I really truly believed. And I think those are the most important kind of principles was that I truly believe that in order to get what I really wanted, I needed to already vibrate within like my frequency and vibration needed to be one of hope and faith and joy to attract that.

[00:27:25] I knew that if I was in despair, And feeling like really annoyed that I used to have furniture in my apartment. Now I had like home build furniture and I was living on baked beans on toast. I used to eat, whatever and drive a nice car. So it wasn’t the first time I ran for me when I did this.

[00:27:41] Does that make sense? I was okay. Because I did remember, we still laughed. We still had so much fun. Yes. They were really tough days, too, where we were like, she would just give up and never let you know, this will never happen. And in my book, I there’s a poem called don’t quit. I used to read that poem every single day.

[00:28:00] I think it’s called actually, maybe some call it the climb or whatever. But, so when I, when we went around and did this sort of I call it the second time around, I was just like, let’s make an adventure. Let’s go live in a smaller apartment in LA, but we know nobody except one friend, one friend is all we needed.

[00:28:19]Let’s celebrate that. He’s still in our lives to this day. And so Tina, back at those times, and we were setting up a small apartment going how did this happen? We just bought out a nice home. And now here we are. But we built everything together. We were a team, my husband and I, because of that, we’ve taken chances and. I can’t even believe we’d been here seven years and we both build up businesses from scratch. And it’s been hard at times. There’s been moments where like what, Oh, we do it, but it’s also just been such a great adventure. I would not swap it for anything in the world.

[00:28:51]Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:28:51] When I try and unpack the structure of what you just said, it’s all so useful and interesting.

[00:28:57]And one element that is. Being comfortable with having less, because, if you hit almost rock bottom, you’ve still got still got food and you’ve still got shelter. And actually, a lot of people in the Western world, certainly in Europe have that, that they might have kind of social security benefits or might be able to go back to their parents and just being comfortable with the simplicities of life.

[00:29:21] It gives you that opportunity to take risks and to actually follow your curiosity. Have an adventure in life and see what happens. Be able to fall flat on your face if you need to, but get up again. And it’s interesting, you went through this whole journey with your husband, Kevin, and, obviously he has been a huge support in, and you’ve been a huge support to his journey as well.

[00:29:45]He

[00:29:45] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:29:45] reinvented as well, by the way. Yeah. I have to say that one. I didn’t see coming because we moved to Hollywood so he could act right. He was an actor. So when we finally arrived here, he sits me down six months into our journey and goes, you know what, since we’re here now, I’m not sure I’m into this acting.

[00:30:02]And I literally went  are you saying with two people reinventing ourselves right now? I don’t know if I can cover in that. But we did. We both did.

[00:30:11]Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:30:11] So you, you coach clients and help people, you’ve gone through this journey yourself and you’ve, in your books, you have lots of practical exercises that really actually help people reinvent themselves, help them, change careers or find out like who they really are. Even If you know how to manage a house mover or even a move internationally, like you’ve done.

[00:30:33]You’ll also help people with, relationship issues, if they, if potentially, maybe they’re not in the right relationship. The, I guess the common connector with all of that is. Big life change. Big life change. If it can affect people accidentally, or you can take control of it and be conscious of it and actually make decisions to make it happen.

[00:30:55] What do you think are some of the common challenges you found both in your own personal life or. From the clients that you’ve coached in managing big life changes are there commonalities between, going through relationship breakups and new relationships, moving house and countries changing career, are there commonalities in all of those situations?

[00:31:20] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:31:20] Totally. I think they all come down to the really simple things. What our beliefs about ourselves. If we’re in despair or hopelessness, why is it worthiness  is in, are we not loving ourselves? I definitely I’ve written a whole course about self love because I realized that in order to receive or attract into my life, that kind of relationship I really wanted in my life, I needed to start loving myself.

[00:31:44] It’s absurd that we are expecting other people to love us more than we’re loving ourselves. That’s back to front, upside down. We don’t grow up, really seeing that principle of Hayla love yourself fast. Do we see all of these like happy fairytale films where somebody comes and provides the love for you, right?

[00:32:05] Oh, then you’re happy. No, find the love for yourself, then you’ll be happy and then everything else will fall into place. Anything if you’re feeling powerless. Go and go within whether that’s through hypnosis meditation or reading some of these, all of these books out there, but you can really ask yourself, if I feel unworthy or unlovable or feel deep fear about taking chances in life, why.

[00:32:31] Is it because I don’t feel worthy of the success if, am I fearful that I might gain and lose a where’s that coming from where’s that belief coming from? Is it even yours? I spend so much of my time in my career now helping others rewrite that story. That’s part of reinvention, right? Because if we grow up, w with parents that have limited beliefs around money, or, this is your lot, just accept their don’t.

[00:32:54] Don’t be too, don’t shine too brightly. You make other people feel uncomfortable. That’s a big one. Isn’t it going to go and go here I am. I’m going to take over the world, you have that belief in your mindset. You need to work on that and go, no, I’m going to shine my light, because if I shine my light, I’m showing you, you can shine your light.

[00:33:12] And you can shine your light and you came here to do so this whole sort of playing it small in many societies, we do that, oh no don’t be too much all of these sayings that we’ve listened to as children have gone into our subconscious mind. And this is why I’m so passionate about the subconscious and diving into the subconscious, because the subconscious mind, as runs our lives 95% of the time.

[00:33:33]What is absurd again, is that we are updating our software on our computer all the time, without asking, by the way, do I need this update, just click done. Of course you do. Why aren’t we doing that in our subconscious? Why aren’t we going? Why am I still feeling unworthy off this? Why am I doubting that I am lovable?

[00:33:53] Where is this coming from? Let me just go within and update this software because hello, everybody in this world deserves to feel loved. Everybody is worthy. Everybody is enough. That’s how we’re born. We’re born going. You are enough. You’re not enough. You are loved. You are not like come on. But we go on all of these journeys.

[00:34:12] And then Sunday, we feel unloved. That’s very valid when we find ourselves in those situations, because of the conditioning that’s happened because of the language and trauma and whatever has happened, but we can come home to that. And so anything you are trying to attract on the outside of yourself, Your mind is powerful beyond belief, but you got to go and rewire in here.

[00:34:35] Reprogram rewrite the story. Yeah. I love that saying where it’s like, what thinking to you to this point and what thinking do you need to take you to the next point?

[00:34:43]Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:34:43] Completely. And you talk about going within and I guess. For people that don’t know how to do that. Like what kind of habits routines daily activities do you do that allows you to go within an actually allows you to really connect with yourself. You talk in your book and you have great exercises and also guided meditation audios as well on your website, around meditation, affirmations and visualizations, other are there any kind of, is there any kind of one.

[00:35:19] Like routine or habit that you would recommend to connect with yourself and go within it, or is there a kind of combination that works for you and your clients? What would you recommend?

[00:35:31]Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:35:31] So first of all is simply committing, right? It’s so obvious if you say, Oh, I’m going to run a marathon in six months or 12 months, what do I need to do from now till then to make that happen? Physically. We’re totally cool with that. We get it right. We know if we’re going to go and run that marathon and we don’t train, it’s going to really hurt the brain is the same. The mind is the same. So why are we so reluctant? We would do is we don’t like to sit still.

[00:35:55]But I realized, and I really didn’t like to sit still either. I could only sit for three minutes, so I’m just going to be honest. My mantra when I first started meditating was I am so bored. When is this finished? I couldn’t get the words out of my head. All I thought about every time I close my eyes was how bored I was.

[00:36:12]And then my friend at the time went, why don’t you just try saying I’m so calm instead of I’m so bored, it might help. I was like, that’s a great idea. The irony of that, I now teach other people to sit still. It’s obviously funny because literally used to set my alarm for three minutes just to make sure I wouldn’t sit for four, because that would be too much, so I think it’s accepting that. Our brains are, and our minds are powerful. We have to take charge and to take charge means training. That’s the boring part, right? Because we don’t really want to do it, but it’s you’re going to run that marathon. So if you’re trying to change a career or change something outside of yourself, you’ve got to get into training.

[00:36:46] You’ve got to get disciplined, being disciplined as an athlete, for example means showing up even the days you don’t want to. So you put it in, on your schedule every morning or every night before you sleep. And it become like a non-negotiable. I don’t know how people do meditation, let alone the pandemic, by the way, sorry, do life or the pandemic or any other challenging things in their life without it you, you get in chance of your mind.

[00:37:07]And so I would say try 10 different meditations. Any pick any of the ones you can on any of the apps that are free, like insight time or whatever, pick 10 different ones over 10 days, the elect just pick a five minute one. I have a whole, there’s a 21 day free one on my website. Even try the different ones and pick one.

[00:37:27] Pick the one that you think this one works for me, it can be words. It can be breath. Breath is really a powerful way to start by counting your breath. You can literally just breathe in for four, hold the breath for exhale four and hold for, do that for three minutes. You’re meditating. Anybody can do that.

[00:37:44] And by the way, this that’s called a square breathing and in mindfulness, and that helps you relax your nervous system immediately. So it’s a powerful one to have pick one that works for you. And then just do the same one. For the next 30 days do not expect anything. When you meditate. Thoughts are going to come and go.

[00:38:02] That’s fine. We have 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. They’re going to come and go. It might remain. Oh, wow. I’m thinking back to one focus. Oh, while I’m thinking back to one focus, I’m annoyed back to one focus. That’s all we keep doing. We keep coming back to one thing. We’re not going to switch off the thoughts.

[00:38:17] We’re going to welcome them in. That part of your practice get serious about your training, your brain? I can only say meditation for me is really just one of those things that has helped me do that. That has helped me navigate through so many things, whether it’s been grief or burnout, or just, financial worries, whatever it is, it becomes a thing you can lean on a tool that you can come back to and as you do it over and over again.

[00:38:44] It will start to benefit you. Not just when you’re sitting, it really doesn’t matter if it’s relaxing or busy when you’re sitting meditating, what matters is how it serves you outside of that, you become less reactive. You start to being able to have an new awareness. You’ll notice yourself acting in a way where you’re like, huh?

[00:39:00] Am I going to do it like a little bit differently? You start to observe things differently. Do you meditate?

[00:39:07] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:39:07] I don’t do regularly. I do it from time to time. I actually I fully am aware of the exponential benefits of doing it regular lifting every day. I actually threw myself into the deep end and did a Vipassana 10 day silent retreat, like pure meditation from almost.

[00:39:29] Zero kind of meditating before. And that was, that really was being thrown into the deep end. It was, I absolutely loved the experience and I was probably the happiest I’ve been for a long time for months, literally months afterwards. And even just that experience. I, I found, I felt the benefits of meditating, but it’s just getting into that routine and that practice and yeah, that’s something I need to work on for sure.

[00:39:56]Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:39:56] I fought mentally for my own mental health. I can’t afford not to. I really can’t. Yeah, it’s just didn’t feel good. Nothing feels good. Really. It’s too crazy, too busy in my brain. If I don’t. Yeah,

[00:40:12] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:40:12] I’ll take that out. That, that you’ve challenged me actually now to, and

[00:40:16] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:40:16] you have the free 21 days. How about that you get

[00:40:19] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:40:19] started?

[00:40:20] Definitely. Thank you. Before I ask my last question, Camilla where can people find you connect with you and learn more about what you do?

[00:40:30] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:40:30] Yeah. On my website, Zen, me.tv. And I’m one insight timer. It’s a free app where you can meditate with me on meditation app and of course on social media, that Camilla dollar up.

[00:40:41]Drop me a line. If there’s anything I can support you on.

[00:40:45] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:40:45] Awesome. And we’ll leave all of the, those links in the show notes for this show. Camilla  my last question, I definitely see you as someone that lives with passion in what you do with certainly with purpose and actually have a balance in life, to spend time, with the people that you love and, What working on your work and your passions and your hobbies.

[00:41:07] So those three things I call living with passion, purpose and balanced is for me to burn from within. What do you think has been the one thing committed that’s made the biggest difference for you to burn from within life?

[00:41:21]Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:41:21] To follow My calling when it came, like to follow that feeling when we have discomfort, basically we think that when we feel uncomfortable and when we feel burned out and sad and it can come out in all sorts of ways, panic attacks, depression also, where we really feel all of that discomfort in life.

[00:41:43] Sometimes it’s also coming to say Hey, are you listening? Because you’ve, ain’t ignoring every sign of giving you, the body and the mind to slow down or to try something that’s more aligned with you. The biggest thing was to no matter the cost, on the money side of things to, to listen to what my heart really wanted and not to think about how difficult that was going to be or how that was going to look.

[00:42:08] Cause I actually had absolutely no idea by the way. No idea. To just go , I need to follow this feeling this there’s some, there’s a discomfort here and it’s not going away. There is something that I need to go and explore about myself. It’s guiding me towards a different way, a new way. And so that was the most important thing because it led me home like home to me, no matter by the way what I’m doing in life, I want to be very clear on that.

[00:42:35] I could change maybe my professional. I could change things, but ultimately I feel home because I’m home within. The fact that I do am doing a job I love is like amazing, but it’s secondary to, it actually led me home within myself. That is a content feeling. That was, that’s a piece that, that, that will follow you in wherever you do in life.

[00:42:59]We go chase our dreams as if our dreams outside of ourselves, but really, th that’s the sort of amazing state that we can be in where the pieces  comes from within.

[00:43:08] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:43:08] Yeah. And that kind of transformation and reinvention that you’ve had you talk in your book about I’m committed, I’m a dancer, and now the identity statement is I’m committed and I’m content I’m happy.

[00:43:21] And that is, having that as a goal and your identity and actually everything else comes after that. And that’s the kind of central crux of the of of your reinvention story of your change and and really an inspirational one as well that gives people hope that you really can.

[00:43:42] First of all, listen to yourself, listen to maybe the pains and the doubts and the the anxieties and the insecurities. It might have if you are not fulfilled or happy right now, and examine yourself and. Become self-aware and, with some of the exercises in, in books like yours and doing meditation and practices and having the right support, you can get there.

[00:44:06]

[00:44:06]So Camilla, I it’s been a an absolute joy to interview you and let’s keep connected and thank you so much.

[00:44:14] Camilla Sacre-Dallerup: [00:44:14] Thank you for all you do as well and sharing this. And yeah, just dive in. If you’re listening, dive in. If you feel cold, this one step in that different direction to find out what lights me up.

[00:44:26] Matt Garrow-Fisher: [00:44:26] Perfect. Thank you, Camilla.

[00:44:28]What an inspiration Camilla is. I took up Camilla’s 21 day meditation experience challenge. , I’m currently doing it and absolutely loving it. So, , I’ll include the link to that for you for free in the show notes

[00:44:43]I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I enjoyed making it

[00:44:47] . If you did go right ahead and leave a review for this podcast, by going to rate this podcast.com forward slash band from within that’s rate, this podcast.com forward slash burn from within and stay updated with more inspiring interviews by hitting the subscribe or follow button now on your player for this podcast until next time live with passion, purpose, and balance.

[00:45:09] And burn from within.

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